Pictures - 6 Months

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After Bathtime

Bathtime with Suds in your Hair

My favorite! 

Your Easter Dress

Its my birthday!

When you get older, you usually find yourself reflecting all that has happened since your last birthday.  And, usually that reflection gets more and more boring as the years fly by. But this year, my reflections are full of cheer. It was just over a year ago we learned of your conception and exactly a year ago we announced your existence to our friends and family. Since my last birthday, I found out about you, felt you grow in my belly, prepared for your arrival, brought you into this world, and have spent everyday of the first (almost) four months of your life with you. I have learned a new and powerful dimension of love as I have transformed into a mommy.  I have had some great years, but this past year has been my favorite. I look forward to reflecting upon how you continue to change my life for the best on future birthdays. Thank you, Annabelle, for the best year of my life.

I love you, little one.

Mommy

Pictures - 3 1/2 Months

From a young age, you were able to hold up your head really well.

Really working on getting that head up high!

I love it when I can tell your gears are turning!  You were really trying to figure out the camera. 

 

You smiled like this a lot!  :)  I love that your eyes get squinty, like mine!

Playing with your daddy

 

 

This is actually how I remember most of the photo shoot going, but Hollie was still able to get some great shots. 

You were not too thrilled by the end of the photo shoot. 

This one was a favorite of your Grandmama and Mimi both.  You blow bubbles when wind hits you in the face.

You stick out your tongue... a lot!  

Tiny fingers

Cute little belly button

You have the most beautiful eyelashes!

Happiest Tears

Annabelle,

I don't think I have ever cried as much as I have since you were born... and most of those tears have been happy.  I can be looking at you as you nurse, rocking with you, or just holding your tiny hand in the backseat of the car when I am suddenly overwhelmed with the realization of how much I love you and how lucky I am.  The tears flow and the corners of my mouth turn into a huge smile as I thank God and your daddy for making me the mommy of the most perfect child to have ever entered this world.  Thank you for being my baby girl. I love you!

Mommy

Birth: Nailed it!

Hi there, little one!

I always enjoyed hearing my birth story, so I thought I would share yours with you as well.  Here goes...

As you can imagine, I didn't quite know what to expect of the birthing process.  For that reason, I left my decision for pain management completely open.  In my head, I would like to go without drugs or an epidural, but not knowing what kind of pain I was in for, I was not about to proclaim my plan to go it natural. 

During the last month of pregnancy, I didn't really experience false contractions/Braxton Hicks.  I kept waiting for them to come as some kind of sign I was getting close, but they never did.  On the morning of your birth, October 10, 2012, I started feeling contractions on my way to work at about 7:30 a.m.  Since I knew false contractions can also be triggered by dehydration, I started drinking water… lots of water.  However, the contractions were still coming and they felt like they could be the “real thing.”  I already had a schedule OB check up later that morning, so I went to work as usual. 

At my doctor’s appointment, I mentioned the contractions.  He asked how painful they were, and I told him they were noticeable but not debilitating.  I was three centimeters dilated, about one centimeter more than last week.  Since he couldn't know if I had progressed that one centimeter over the last seven days or the last seven minutes, he just told me to head to the hospital if they got stronger and closer together.  While there, we discussed an induction date since he estimated baby was starting to get pretty big.  I could be induced the following morning or wait through the weekend until Monday morning.  Because I didn’t want to be induced, your dad and I decided we would wait until Monday.  He said he would call to confirm and give me the details.

I returned to work a little bummed that I hadn't been told to go straight to the hospital.  However, I was fairly convinced that these were in fact real contractions, so I got busy.  With each contraction, I would focus on my work to get through it.  Apparently, the work was a good distraction and I didn’t show the pain I was in.  I started timing the contractions, and sure enough, they were getting closer and closer together. 

Though I intended to get my work for the day completed as to not leave it for Jodie or Brandie, around 4:00 it was obvious to me that I wasn't going to make it.  I called your daddy and let him know that we needed to go soon.  I calmly walked down the hall, clocked out, and said my goodbyes.  People still didn’t realize that I was in labor, telling me that they would see me tomorrow.  Because we had taken separate cars, I drove home with your daddy following me in rush hour traffic.  Once we got home, we grabbed the pre-packed bags and headed to the hospital. 

Once at the hospital, around 5:30 p.m., we headed to the fourth floor to the labor and delivery desk.  We asked, “Is this where we check in?”  The receptionist responded, “Check in for what?”  I guess she didn’t realize I was in labor either.  After a long list of questions to answer, I finally got taken to a room.  There, the nurses asked a million more questions at leisure, from health history to whether or not I brought a phone charger.  They even asked if there was a possibility I was pregnant.  I think they forgot to take that one out of the Labor and Delivery triage list. 

The nurse asked me how I intend to handle pain management.  I told her that I would let her know if I changed my mind, but if I could do it without medications, I would.  She smirked and spoke to me like I was a child, “Ok, sweetie.”  I suppose they hear that a lot.  

They finally got around to checking me… down there.  Her exact words: “I was expecting a 3 or a 4, but hunny, you are at 8 cm! You need to do this for a livin'! You look great!" 

Needless to say, they started asking those questions a little more rapidly. Family started rolling in: Grandmama, Grandpops, Uncle Nate, Aunt Brittany, Papa, Mimi, Uncle Darren, M’Kenna, and Aunt Brenna were all there.  The doctor got there about 20 minutes after they checked me.  He said that he had called my work number to confirm Monday’s induction appointment and Jodie told him I went to the hospital.  When in the hospital room with me, he asked if I wanted him to break my water to get things progressing a little quicker. I said sure. I kicked family out of the room, fully expecting for them to come back in right after for a little while, but once he broke my water, the difference in my contractions were night and day.  They came so hard and I felt the urge to push so bad, but you weren’t so convinced you wanted to come out yet.  You stayed pretty high.  Since I was in such pain, I decided not to allow family back in the room.  I felt ready to have a baby.  I kept telling the nurse I wanted to push, but she kept telling me to wait, that baby wasn't moved down yet.

Your heart rate started plummeting between contractions (which was weird) so they put me on oxygen and had me roll on my side.  I kept telling them to check, that I was ready to push.  When they finally did and had me test push, sure enough I was right.  

The pushing process was intense.  I pushed so hard that sometimes I would nearly passout and I clinched my puke bag the whole time (though I never threw up, thank goodness). I saw stars at times and got really lightheaded.  The blood vessels in my face and shoulders popped, so I looked REALLY creepy afterwards.  There were complications during delivery, and they kept telling me with urgency "we got to get this baby out" so I think that's the only reason I kept going. I could hear your heart rate monitor and at times it was slower than mine, so I knew something was wrong; when they said "Push," I just did.  The room was suddenly filled with nine medical professionals waiting to take care of you.  I tried not to think about it or get scared; I just closed my eyes and concentrated on getting you out.  Pain didn't seem to be an issue.  I was just doing what I knew had to be done.

An hour of pushing later (I think), you were out.  You were born at 9:51 p.m.  I knew then that you rocked because you let me get a good night sleep, contractions started when I got up in the morning, and you were out by bedtime!  ;)

Funny story:  When you were crowning and Dr. Snead could see you had a full head of hair, between contractions he gave you a faux-hawk.  Dr. Snead is a funny guy!  

When you came out, you didn't cry.  I don’t really think my heart beat either.  I was just waiting for you to take that first big breath.  I think I nearly held my breath with you.  It took over two minutes for the doctors and nurses to get you to take a breath: the scariest two minutes of my life.  Even though they finally got you crying some, they had to whisk you away to NICU for about 4-5 hours.  You were born at 9:51 p.m. but I didn't get to hold you until around 3 a.m. 

By the time you were returned from NICU, all family members had gone.  It was just you, me, and daddy.  I held you in my arms and suddenly I realized how perfect you are, how perfect my life is.  God gave me a wonderful husband and now a beautiful, healthy baby girl.  Does it get any sweeter than that?  

I love you, baby girl!

Mommy

Mommy:Pregnant

Hi there, baby girl!

In a strange way, I have felt both the nastiest I have ever been and the most beautiful I have ever been, both simultaneously.  How you can feel as beautiful as a supermodel despite stretch marks and "cankles" is beyond me, but it is possible and it is miraculous!

Keep in mind that I have on reserve, in a super secret location locked away from the world, a collection of photos with those stretch marks, swollen feet, and stylish hand splints I have to wear every night to bed, to bring out on the day that you claim I am ruining your life for not letting you go to the movies with some boy without cleaning your room first.  I can also tell you some grotesque stories of the body functions you have caused your poor mother.

But, for the most part, pregnancy has been beautiful and enjoyable.  The positive aspects have far outweighed the negative, and I don't think anyone who hasn't experienced pregnancy could pretend to fully understand.  There are many parts about being a woman that flat out stink... but after this process, I am realizing that God has reserved a special duty for us that is unparalleled.  All of those womanly woes make these moments possible, and for that, I am grateful.

First Trimester :: The first trimester had to be my least favorite.  While the mental excitement and newness of being pregnant is exhilarating at times, the symptoms definitely catch up to you.  Morning sickness is a misleading name.  I was sick just about every morning (I-35 was littered with remains of my breakfast, FYI), occasionally at lunch (though work helped me keep my brain off my nausea long enough to make it through the afternoon), almost every night after dinner, and about every other night before bed.  Good news, though: I lost 12 pounds!  And I got to eat a lot of milkshakes: yum!  While I would look in the mirror each morning and hope to see growth in my belly, I soon realized the only thing showing progress was my chest, an area that growth was neither needed nor welcomed.

Second Trimester :: The physical changes in my body during the second trimester were mostly the desired ones.  My boobs and belly were in a constant race for furthest out, though my boobs mostly lead the way.  When my belly would hit a growth spurt and I would get excited, my boobs would hit a growth spurt to, knocking them back in first place.  The nausea mostly subsided.  We got to see a sonogram in which you actually looked like a baby, not a grain of rice, and we got to find out your sex.  Though many of the pregnancy websites and such would say that I would start feeling your movements soon, I didn't feel these until much later than most.  I would turn off anything in the house that would make noise, lay on the bed as still as I could, and try to feel you.  Nothing!  You were sneaky!

Third Trimester :: For the most part, I enjoyed the third trimester.  I got to feel your movements and your kicks, which is one of the coolest feelings ever (though you do kinda feel like you are in an Alien movie).  You were very shy though.  I knew you were awake and moving, but the second I would put your daddy's hand on my belly or tell him to watch, you would freeze.  In my head, this is what you were doing in there:

My belly finally beat the boobs, though don't mistake... the boobs gave it good effort!  Your growing body started taking up more and more real estate, which caused not-so-fun-but-bearable symptoms like heartburn (Tums, anyone?), varying appetite, difficulty breathing at times, etc.  I didn't really have any cravings (although one time I really wanted to have sour cream for lunch), but your daddy had enough cravings for the both of us.  The last month of pregnancy is when most of the undesirable pregnancy symptoms like swollen ankles, corpal tunnel, and the infamous waddling show up, but it wasn't all bad:

• Cankles are actually easier to shave than ankles because there aren't any bumps to work around;
• Maternity clothes are easier to shop for since the waste of all of them are stretchy and made to fit most (plus maternity clothes are made to fit people with curves and breasts!);
• Tums come in this super-yummy mint flavor that actually keeps your breath fresh, too;
• Strapless bras stay up when you are pregnant because your belly holds everything up.

Finally, for the pictures (and yes, these are professional ones with some touch ups to hide stretch marks and that annoying scar from my belly button piercing I got as a teenager):

 

All in all, I have loved being pregnant with you, and I am anxious and excited to meet you in (I hope) less than 2 weeks!  

Loves you, little one!

Mommy

Baby Bennett

Hi there, little one!


Today, with a heavy heart, I bring to you sad news.  Your second cousin, Bennett Stephen Vanderham, who was born on July 25th, passed away today.  From his daddy, Zach:


"As soon as Bennett was born he was rushed to NICU for not breathing.  Bennett had seizures and brain trauma.  After a few days we were air lifted to Cook Hospital in Fort Worth, Texas.  Over the last couple of days the doctors and nurses tries their best to take care of our little boy.  He incurred severe brain injuries during birth and after reviewing the best options for Bennett we decided that it was in his best interest to take Bennett off life support.  With heavy hearts our son passed away this evening.  He fought long enough for us to sleep with him one night and hold him all day.  He will be forever loved and remembered.  Thank all of you that knew for all your thoughts and prayers."


Baby Bennett's organs will be donated to other children in need, and his purpose in life, as short as it was, is far greater than many of us can hope for in our own.  Although you never had the chance to know him, I pray you can live by his example, taking advantage of every single breath to show love and care to others.  


This whole process has been scary and eye-opening.  I am thankful for your health, Annabelle, and I pray daily that it continue throughout the pregnancy, birth, and well into your life.  


We will forever remember and love this lost family member, and be grateful for his short life.